i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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