Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
