Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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