I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
