the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
