You work out of a Hotel?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
