remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
