I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
