This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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