I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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