You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
