Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
