If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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