My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
