Umm I'm too high to move.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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