I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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