do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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