he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
