Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
