Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
