Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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