Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize