I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
