saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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