I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
