yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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