Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
