She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
