i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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