were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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