She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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