That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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