I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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