i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
