I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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