It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
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Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
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I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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