So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
