i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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