i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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