I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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