I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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