why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
