Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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