I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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