Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
