Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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