I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
