don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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