you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
