Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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