There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
