did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
