I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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