Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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