I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
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there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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