playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
