sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
