Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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