Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
