my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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