Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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