I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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