about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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