Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
