I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
