is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
