Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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